The phrase, “Chivalry is dead,” has become more of an
observation these days. Whether it is due to a lack of respect for women or an
answer to the claims that chivalry is sexist is yet to be determined, but the
truth of the matter is that the kind of behavior does not happen as often as it
used to and not all women appreciate the kindness. In the online
Merriam-Webster dictionary, “chivalrous” defines as “marked by honor,
generosity, and courtesy.” It does not define it as “marked by sexism and
dominance.” Holding
the door for any female has always been a nice, friendly gesture that many boys
were taught to do at an early age… from their mothers.
According to a study by Jin Goh and Judith Hall of Northeastern
University, gender discrimination from men can be “hostile and benevolent.” When
referring to benevolence, they claim “men who demonstrate this
‘well-intentioned’ sexism see women as warm and pure yet helpless, incompetent
and in need of men's protection.”[1] Aside from what
appears to be a misunderstanding of male intention, there also seems to be a
“double whammy” or lose-lose situation for kind gestures given from men. Perhaps
the assumption is that all men have a card hidden up their sleeve when being
courteous, which also can be a reason for the lack of chivalry these days. But think about
this: If we use the words “excuse me” continually as sarcasm, it will
only be a matter of time before it is not used as a polite way of saying, “Get
out of my way!” or “move!” A negative response can kill the good intention.
While there cannot be an argument that the belief of
chivalry being sexist does not exist at all, it would be a shame to claim that
it describes all male benevolence. The point is- one bad apple does not make
the whole batch bad. One racist does not mean all are racist, and one male
sexist does not make all males are sexists. It would be similar to assume that
all independent or opinionated women are feminists that hate men, and we all
know how to spell the word “assume.”
The courtesy men put out is typically just that- courtesy. Yes,
sometimes there may be some interest in a female from the male when he is
overeager to open a door or offer a coat, but not anymore than a man walking by
a woman in a grocery store and striking up a conversation about Cheerios. I
remember when my father pulled over on the freeway to help a woman change her
flat tire in the pouring rain. Is that sexism because he offered help to a
woman? It falls under the definition of chivalrous behavior- does it not? So is
it no longer appropriate to show courtesy and respect in public without someone
thinking there is some big master plan behind it- that men are only out to
claim their dominance by offering a helping hand or simple gesture? Men may
treat woman with such respect as simply that- respect. It is not in the sense
that men view women as the weaker gender but rather they view them as needing
that respect. Kings, queens and presidents deserve respect much in the same way.
It is a social status obtained and not placed by pity or male chauvinism. The
argument against chivalry seems to be a matter of insecurity within the female response
to chivalrous behavior.
In today’s society, where gender equality has become a
controversial subject and the forefront of political tactics, coincidentally,
just in time as the democratic presidential frontrunner is a female, we even find
ourselves in question of whether courteous acts towards women are appropriate. We
can suppose, much like a first kiss, one could always ask if it is welcome by
the female. However, as a moment arrives in public situations, such as entering
a college building for instance, how is one to know if a woman appreciates it? How
is one to know that they are viewed a “jerk” or “pig” for not holding the door? Much like women who offer help to calm a
crying child or help in the kitchen, it is human nature. A female friend said
of feminism, “Chivalry is selfless while feminism is selfish, and [it] serves
to take and to make one prideful.” Chivalry is a matter of respect, not gender
discrimination. There is no ruse; it is not an effort to maintain power. It is
simple courtesy. And if we cannot appreciate common courtesy then the same can
be said about common sense.
[1] Springer
Science+Business Media. "Smiles, word choice show what type of sexism men
display." ScienceDaily. 9 March 2015. Web 20 March 2015
No comments:
Post a Comment