The Death of Dignity

Here we watch all the fighting...
They lit the match and watched it burn.
How much more do we need to see-
Before we finally learn?
With the mistrust, we all awaken...
But to their songs we fall asleep.
Well, we won't buy it, nor deny it-
Not while the wolves hide among the sheep.
Another lie is all they needed-
to stoke the fire, fan the flames.
With all that's said, they fill their heads
Full of false entitled gains.
They want a war and start the riot.
They want a war but where's their pride?
No one can win while their drenched in sin
And their dignity has died.

The lies, not the truth-
Will derail all our youth.
Will we not find peace in the end?
The example is lost at what final cost?
We can no longer pretend.
Time to defend!

The storm has come with a vengeance-
Another time for us to fail.
While we're all stuck out in the raging sees-
Why would we forfeit our sails?
They try to keep us from believing
In a future free from past.
But with the wars spreading from shore to shore,
How long will morals last?
It's been too long and we're still waiting.
I refuse to live in fear.
We work too hard to have it ripped away.
We can't wait for the smoke to clear.
The shotgun blasts, the race has started.
to claim who's right or wrong.
And in the end will no one raise the flag
To let it wave while the wind's still strong?

Calm Before the Chaos

Take in the heat but don't let it out.
I'll sit here in silence while you scream and shout.
I wish I could lay right next to your heart
While the world all around us is falling apart-
We'll make a new start.

Question the stars that fall from the sky.
Breathe in the smoke from the fires at night.
Wait 'til the morning and I'll sing you a song
That separates the rights from all of the wrong.
It can't be too long.

This beauty among the beast of the world,
Beyond all the riches, diamonds and pearls.
So just close your eyes and dream it away.
Hope's what we have that God hears us pray.
We wait for the day.

Allow us to sleep- awake for the storm.
Leave us this fire that keeps our blood warm.
Forgive us all for the things we have done.
And keep us this calm before chaos will come.
We'll forever be one.

Times They Are a Changin'

     As most of you know, we are moving to Utah. I am enrolled over there at SLCC (Salt Lake Community College) and I plan to become a teacher of English and writing, although, I am not sure what age group I would like to teach- maybe Eighth grade. The idea of leaving and starting fresh, sorta speak, didn't come easy, though. The thought of leaving the comfort of what we are used to and diving head first into something completely different is scary. It is a different state, first of all, and I will be quitting my job as a recycle truck driver and starting full-time as a student this fall. And, yes, we are able to do that and I will explain why and how later.
     Ash and I had been talking about a career change for me for a little while and for a few reasons. One reason is the obvious fact that can't do the physical aspects of my job forever- I do get out of the truck at every house to operate a lever that lifts the can and tilts it into the hopper of the truck. A lot of the houses will have "extras" on the side and I collect from the glass bins, as well, and let me tell 'ya- southwest Portland-ers like to drink! I have anywhere from 600 to 730 homes to service in my ten hour day.
     Another reason is politics. Waste Management is union and I don't want to get into all the reasons why I don't like the union- I didn't have a choice on whether to join the union or not, and while the pay may be great to some, it still boils down to the physical demands of the job. The third and biggest reason for needing a change is the unhappiness of doing the same thing over and over everyday without enjoying it. I can't really think of anything rewarding about the job besides the ability to put a roof over my family's head and food on the table. I think at some point it could take a toll on the relationship I have with my wife and others. To me, that makes the change worth making- to avoid jeopardizing what is most important in my life.
     Some of you maybe wondering how we can afford it. Well, first, there is a need for teachers, especially good ones. Again, I won't get into politics. I could very well go to school for free for that reason... I hope. Second, Ashley's parents (Mom and step-dad, Ray) offered their 1,200 sq. ft. basement to us while I go to school- rent free! And we are so grateful for them to offer such an unbelievable opportunity. Third, we have no debt, or at least we won't by the time we move. We are fortunate and privileged to say that. We don't like owing money like most people but in truth, we couldn't afford to put ourselves in debt anyway. So we didn't. So, besides the necessities, we wouldn't have any bills and could work just part-time to pay for those. I'm thinking school bus driver... don't laugh.
     At some point in our lives we have to think about where we are and where we are going. Naturally for males, it's in their late twenties or early thirties. I have the opportunities, wants and needs to do this so I am jumping off this island and taking the long swim for something more fulfilling. We all want that in life- something more fulfilling. I doubt anyone you or I know could say they didn't, so seize the opportunity, right? Some of us hear that knock from opportunity and don't answer, but why? Because we are afraid to open that door and let the wind in? I say open up and take a look. Maybe... just maybe... the wind is blowing the other direction to help push us along. The future for us can be great if we allow it to be. Mine will be great and I can feel it. I am excited for it and Ash is, too.
     My brother, Devin, once said that there are two things that we can be selfish about in life: picking a spouse and a career. I believe that's true. We can't make others happy if we aren't happy. Why not be selfish for once when you can use it to do unselfish things, right? I'm not saying I am depressed or anything but you get the idea here. Someday I would like to say that I gave it my all and went for something that makes me happy... and I will succeed. I will.

Can't Let You Go

I could stay here forever.
I'll always remember you-
Despite what we've been through.
I'll share all those stories-
About all those glory days
And you know... I'll miss you in so many ways-
I can't let you go.

The wind starts to whisper-
As I stare at your picture a while.
And I'll be missin' your perfect smile.
If I could've been there-
Then you might be here with me.
But who knows... I guess it's not meant to be-
Still can't let you go.

The Important Things We Value

               When it comes to life, what is important to you? What is most valuable? There are more than a million answers to that question and not one would be wrong. What is important to you is what is important to YOU. No one can tell you what you value. That answer you have now may change by as early as tomorrow. It is life experiences that can change the way we think, live and also treat others around us. A recent trip to my Uncle Gene and Aunt Kathy’s home encouraged me to share some stories I remember of my dad, Ronald Lee Reck.

                I can tell you all the great things about Ron- like how he was a church-going man who loved his family and would do anything he could to give them the necessities in life, but I won’t do that. I find it funny sometimes when people share stories about loved ones who passed on and they explain, almost in a salesman-type way, that the person was such a good-hearted soul. My dad was a good-hearted soul but he was also human. That is part reason why people loved him, because he had his flaws.

                Ron was a military man- a Chief Warrant Officer 4 in the United States Marine Corps. He operated a machine gun in Vietnam which is why he was nicknamed Gunny Reck. He suffered from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and would NEVER talk about the war, no matter how often or which approach one would take when digging for information about his experiences. (There is some info online, though.) He was well respected. I can remember people wanting to shake my hand and claim it as an “honor” when meeting me after learning I was ‘Gunny Reck’s son- it happened a few times. It made me proud but even more curious on why was he so highly thought of. But I unfortunately have little information on his heroism.

                When I was sharing stories with my uncle Gene, which we do often when visiting each other, I was given the other information to a particular story. When I was around sixteen my dad was the scoutmaster of our scout troop and on our way to a meeting he stopped randomly here and there to pick up political signs on the side of the road and toss them carelessly into the back of his truck. We finally pulled up to a house where I helped him throw each sign out onto someone’s front lawn- no knock on the door was apparently needed. I was unaware of why we were doing this but I think a part of me didn’t want to know. Gene filled in the rest of that for me, which is what I had expected. He didn’t like this person who was running for a certain city position and ended up having to pay money for that antic. I’m sure Gene could offer up more on that one.

                One of my earliest memories is waiting in the car while my mother went into the police station to bail him out of jail for eluding a police officer while joyriding on his motorcycle.  Like a lot of the other stories and memories I have I can only recall a little and that much is blurry. There was a time I do remember pretty well while on our way home from church of all places. My dad had an El Camino at one point and it was fast. While rounding a corner towards home, he hit maybe 70 mph just as a police car passed the other direction so he did what only he would do… pulled into a holly farm and drove to the very back and waited behind a row of trees. As the farmer noticed us trespassing onto his property, he stepped out into the pathway leading out to the road to stop us and gave my dad a piece of his mind. All my dad could say was “I thought I would take a drive, sir… nice place you have here.”

                There are too many stories I could share, like the time I helped him steal an expensive generator from a landlord because he wouldn’t return the much earned and needed cleaning deposit- the man watched from his window. Or the time when he badgered police officers for threatening children with fines for not wearing helmets while riding their bikes. He had a reputation- to some it was good, to others it was… not so good. But like I said before, he had his flaws.

                It is these types of stories that make us laugh as we share them. It is these types of stories that make us cherish the moments we shared with those who have passed on. It is what helps us live through the loss of loved ones. That is what is important to me- time with those I care about. You never know when you will be left with just the memories, at least until you meet again. Make the memories. Make the memories count because when that person passes on, you will have enough of them to laugh more than you will cry. Believe me, nothing can be more valuable or important than that. So as I share the stories I have and learn new ones, I get more comfortable with letting him go. And as an added bonus, it helps grow closer to others as we share the memories and that makes it all a little sweeter.

We Survive

We own the night- We are the forgotten ones.
To the fear of love and loss we are a slave!
              (We can't be saved)
Our freedoms ripped straight from our callused hands, we fight...
To do our best to keep from digging early graves.

Without a voice (Without a voice)
Without a name (Without a name)
In the shadows we remain.
So we press on
Armored with pride
Where our fathers fought and died- We survive!

Through our pain we paid the toll.
May God rest these weary souls.
Spill our blood but spare our tears.
               (Whoa-oh-oh-oh)
We live with purpose,
Though they've cursed us one and all .
Together, in the end, we'll take the fall.

Without a voice (Without a voice)
Without a name (Without a name)
In the shadows we remain.
So we press on
Armored with pride
Where our fathers fought and died- We survive!

The Infinite Sorrow

They burned down to ashes- one by one.
Oh, God, tell me. What have we done?
This infinite sorrow- no sign of relief.
Is it worth fighting for our beliefs?

Give them silence and peace while they sleep...

Do we die for what's right?
Or live with what's wrong?
Divided by vengeance-
The weak from the strong.
We fight...
Or we fail...
God save us from this hell!

As smoke fills the sky
We'll make our return.
With revenge in our hearts-
It still burns.
While the fire has turned to ash
And their defeat in our grasp!

But how much longer can it last?

Do we die for what's right?
Or live with what's wrong?
Divided by vengeance-
The weak from the strong.
We fight...
Or we fail...
God save us from this hell!

Love Without Reason

I thought it was over...
Even time felt slower until...
They all went in for the kill.
We had it within our reach.
And it seems there's not much we can do...
After all that we've been through.

But with you by my side...
Let our worlds collide!

A love without reason.
They've taken our freedom away!
And we might be blind.
But we'll always find a way.
We'll only be stronger.
And no longer they'll tear us apart.
They can control our world
But they can't control our hearts!

I found my faith in you.
And I'll see it through to the end.
It's the same old story time and time again.
The good versus evil.
And someday we'll see they'll break.
So they'll never take
This heart and this soul.
They can't have control!

'Cuz with you by my side...
Our worlds will collide!

A love without reason...

This Is The End

So here we are again with not much left to say.
It's hard enough but for the best that we go our separate ways.
I can't believe we never noticed all the signs.
I wish you well and don't you worry, I'll be fine.

Someday I know you'll forget my name.
I think it's funny how it all ends up the same.

So this is the end...
I never understood the way you could just let it slip away.
So long my friend...
I'll shake your hand but understand things are better off this way.

I'll think about those times when you and I were young.
Oh, how we long for yesterdays- so many ways we had our fun.
But looking back can only bring us more regret.
You'll just move on- I'll write a song about those things I can't forget.

Someday I know you'll forget my name.
I think it's funny how it all ends up the same.


So this is the end...
I never understood the way you could just let it slip away.
So long my friend...
I'll shake your hand but understand things are better off this way.

Wake Me When It's Over (revised)

On this summer night of August it’s so clear

That we need a new adventure to get us through the year

And I’m always thinking of how it was back then

When we were always laughing- I want it all again…

But to never let it end.

So wake me when it’s over

I want to sleep through October

And the rest of winter, too

or I will never make it through

Give me a good reason 

to stay awake through the season

Those winter nights are cold and way to long…

Since you’ve been gone

Lately I’ve been thinking if you were here with me

I’d take you to those places you'd always wanna see

Like Mount Rushmore and the pyramids-

The resting place of Billy the Kid

There’s so much we could do if you were here...

It’s always rough this time of year

So wake me when it’s over….

I'll Sing You a Song

You are my one and only.

Come on, let’s take this slowly.

This life doesn’t have to be so hard.

And I know nothing’s perfect.

But I promise it’s all worth it.

We can’t stop now that we have come so far.

When I think about it, it all seems strange-

We know we’ll never be the same.

Tell me your hopes- tell me you dreams.

Don’t let your heart of paper rip at the seams.

I’ll sing you a song to light up your life.

I know someday somehow we’ll get it right.

The future’s getting blurry.

But let’s stop the constant worry.

We can conquer anything we face.

We’ll make a memory album.

Because we can’t live without’em

Memories are a terrible thing to waste.

I’d promise you the world if I could.

But trust me- I believe were good.

Tell me your hopes….

Under a Texas Sky

Shadows line the walls inside the halls of empty schools
And just outside skateboards glide on rails where skaters rule
An old playground emits the sounds of laughter everywhere
And mothers gab as they don't have a care

A baseball flies as kids outside are playing in the street
A neighbor's barbeque gives just a few the chance to meet
The smell in the air and the buzz are still just like it was...
Under a Texas sky I won't ask why because...

The day feels long and strangely calm, it's early afternoon
Inside it's still as silence fills each and every room
Time slows down in southern towns when there's nowhere else to be
Although it's gone it still feels strong to me

The eastern wind has just kicked in but yet it feels so warm
And thunder rolls as kids are told to come in from the storm
The smell in the air and the buzz are still just like it was...
Under a Texas sky I won't ask why because...

If You Were Here

So here we are now as I stare up at the sky
I can't believe this is good-bye
And all I know is it's a shame we've come so far
And look at where we are...

Did you ever wonder what could be?
Do you ever think about when we were seventeen?

I remember how we'd skate around until our boards would bust.
I remember how we acted like the world belonged to us.
Do you ever wish you could rewind your life back to those days?
If you were here right now... what would you say?

I thought it was funny and I can't forget-
That first time that we met
Between the both of us there's nothing we couldn't do
If only I had the chance to say good-bye to you...

Did you ever wonder what could be...
If you were here instead of me?

I remember how we'd skate around until our boards would bust.
I remember how we acted like the world belonged to us.
Do you ever wish you could rewind your life back to those days?
If you were here right now... what would you say?

High and Low

As I look back at my life I wonder how I had survived.
I gotta story for each grey hair upon my chin.
Even though I love the memories, I hate'em just the same.
I can't stop wondering how things might have been.

With all the things I wrote about
And all the times I'd scream and shout
And the stories left behind
I can't turn back the time.
So I've tried and tried and tried again
In hopes there is a happy end.
I can't take anymore
I gotta get up off the floor...

(And don't look back) No, don't look back.
(and don't let go) You'll never know
One time someone told me,
"You can't have highs without the lows."
So don't look back (don't look back)
And don't let go-----
You can't have the highs if you can't take the lows.

I need money to survive
But I'm tired of workin' for the man.
I wanna get away to somewhere far.
If only I could get there
So I guess I'll need a plan.
There's no use in trying to wish upon a star.

With all the things I wrote about
And all the times I'd scream and shout
And the stories left behind
I can't turn back the time.
So I've tried and tried and tried again
In hopes there is a happy end.
I can't take anymore
I gotta get up off the floor...

(And don't look back) No, don't look back.
(and don't let go) You'll never know
One time someone told me,
"You can't have highs without the lows."
So don't look back (don't look back)
And don't let go-----
You can't have the highs if you can't take the lows.

Ella's Song

They say this is the hardest thing to do.
And so I'll do the best I can.
But if I make mistakes or even let you down,
I hope you'll understand.

I sometimes wish to turn back time.
But it's a thrill to watch you grow.
It's a big world out there and in order to survive
There's a lot you'll need to know...
So here it goes...

Remember wounds need time to heal.
Treasure your scars because they're real.
And follow your heart when it's true.
But no matter what, I love you.

I know someday you'll fall in love.
That's one of my biggest fears.
Someday someone will break your heart- it's true.
But I'll be there to wipe your tears.

I hope you take your time.
Don't let the memories fade away.
With every step you take, with every passing day
Be proud of the choices that you made...
And so I say...

Remember wounds need time to heal.
Treasure your scars because they're real.
And follow your heart when it's true.
But no matter what, I love you.