Baby Steps

    I know this is different from what I normally post but I decided to venture out from the norm. I might do that a little more, I think. As you all know, every so often I post poems I've written. Some of them I wrote back when I played music in garage bands. Those were intended to be songs. I think they might be easy to point out if you pay much attention to the patterns, they usually come with a chorus. The others are more recent. I like writing them because I feel I'm letting it all out, sorta speek. I don't really allow myself to have too many people to talk to about certain events of my life. It's not like I really enjoy talking about certain things anyway. After all, I am just like anyone else: I hide more than I should.
    I don't know how many people read these or how often, but that doesn't really matter. I guess I write more for myself. Maybe I'll make a book out of them someday, who knows. If you are one who reads, thank you, I appreciate it. But please, don't read too much into each one. Some are only my own depiction about someone else's situation. But only some. I do tend to put a little of my own life into each one that isn't about my experiences, though. That's just habit of writing what I know.
    The first time I ever wrote for myself was when my parents were planning on a divorce. I was in a very strange and dark part of my life then. I was hanging out in the wrong places with the wrong people. But afterall, I just turned eighteen, two days after my parents just moved to Texas and I was on my own with nowhere to live but random houses of freinds and aquintences. I will admit that drugs were a part of my confusion in life, too. I am human. Do not judge.
    It wasn't long after that my father past away. That was the real beginning of life. Everything I thought I knew, everything that made sense, all seemed to get wadded up into this big ball of nothing like some big black hole sucking any sort of light out my world. I suddenly had to deal with a big part of life which ironically is just the opposite, death. There was nothing that could make me feel like I was getting anywhere in dealing with this until I found music, playing music and writing songs. Little did I know, I would have to experience the loss of loved ones again and again.
    I sometimes feel cheated, you know? I'll hear a story once in a while about how someone went here or there with their father, whether it be camping, fishing, vacation or even just golfing, and I get a little jeolous. That's usually when I drift off into a thought about how nice it would be to still have him around and then I think, "What kinds of things would we do together?" There are those moments, too, when I hear someone bicker and complain about how they don't like something about their father. I just want to slap them in the face to make them realize how fortunate they still are. I would give anything for five minutes! I guess we only know life by experience.
   Well, I guess the whole point of this is me. I'm opening up a little more. That is only a small piece of the puzzle that is me, I know. Baby steps. I might sometimes hide behind some artful words I glued together and posted on a blog that no one reads just to get the feeling of satisfaction out but this worked, at least at this moment. I might regret it in the morning. A feeling I know all too well....

Simple Thoughts

With  memories fading in and out
And wondering what this life’s about
It’s hard to try to keep our minds in cruise
Fall asleep on Tuesday night
Awaken to the Monday’s light
Nothing ever compares to what we lose
Broken hearts and stolen minds
Simple thoughts are hard to find
We’re feeling like there’s nothing left to see
Broken plans can change the path
And now we wonder where we’re at
For once, it would be nice to finally breathe…

Alone In The Crowd

Just another day in this small town
And like you the skies are grey
You couldn't find yourself out there
And got lost along the way
It's such a lonely road we live on
There's no one else for miles
And the only thing of beauty around here
Is when you smile... but its been a while.

The record plays the saddest songs
A soundtrack to your years
As you stare outside the window
I see the reflection of your tears
And no one understands your sorrows
You hide it deep within
But even if you found a way to open up
And let someone in... where would you begin?

You can't lose yourself in this make believe
You'd rather sleep than be awake
Drifting along in dreams hoping someday
These scribbled lines will be straight
So reality has long been hurting
And there's no pills for this kind of pain
I guess it's just part of life
And they say it's a game... but it's not the same.

There's no need to find the answers
To those questions in your head
You kept looking for some closure
But found confusion instead
And when the rainbows lose all their color
'Cuz the rains have washed them out
Just remember who has always been there
And who's here now... alone in the crowd.

Better Wall Than a Window

It's amazing... I never thought this could be.
She holds on to me and never lets go.
A fallen angel... somehow stuck in this world.
But such a sad little girl that won't let it show.
She cries when she drives late at night
with no one else around.
And all the tears shed through the years of pain
have weighed her down.
I wonder...I wonder how could this be?
'Cuz she's in love with me and nobody else.
Yet she's lonely...It's a long lonely fall
when you're feeling so small and not like yourself.
I wonder if she'll ever let me in inside her mind.
Don't get me wrong, I know she's strong...
but she can't be all the time.