Reck-ed Reunion?

Do you remember when we were just kids?

The places we went and the things we did?

Thinking back I remember a time-

when we all got along and things were just fine.

But now there’s a war and how did it start?

Do we want this family to crumble apart?

We bicker, complain and gossip about.

Our kids are nearby as we scream and shout.

So why do we do this and what is it for?

To make us feel better or hurt even more?

It seems we only break to start a new fight.

I’m sure we all know what’s wrong and what’s right.

Someone once said its results from that day,

-That fifth of November when Dad went away.

Now, I know we all hurt and maybe still grieve.

But I found some peace here in what I believe:

Someday I will see him and see Parker, too.

I’ll see Grandpa and Tyler and see all of you.

It’s our gift from God and its part of His plan.

If we still went to church we would all understand.

We want to be happy and it’s what we all need.

But we’ll never get there if we continue to bleed.

I hope we can claim peace right where we stand.

I want to us to someday stand hand in hand.

I know that the battle has calmed down for now.

But I know it will flare up again somehow.

So let’s bandage the wounds and un-break our hearts.

Let’s share all together and make a new start.

We can bury the hatchet along with our pride.

We can all come together without picking sides.

I challenge each one to find peace with each other

And work out the issues with our sisters and brothers.

I mean no offense; just my thought for the day.

If dad were here, what would he say?

Mile 19

Another mile on the road and it’s all the same to me.

I drift my thoughts along the way. -It’s not like it used to be.

Do you remember when we’d fly like we were birds without a care?

Now I fly alone ‘cuz you got lost out there somewhere.

But I’ll wave once in a while, a passing smile just because.

And I hope you can remember about how it really was.

Every place may look the same but a different memory is left behind.

But somewhere along the way I’ll visit one sometime.

And although some might be fading, others I still see clear.

And I’ll etch my name into the wood just to say that I was here.

Curves of Winter

Winter nights still come along and I still hear her quiet song

singing like a ringing in my ear.

She hides herself but never sees she changes like the autumn leaves

and I sometimes wonder what I’m doing here.

She says she wants to get away to relieve herself from all the pain

of memories she wishes wasn't there.

And she wants to plant a garden just before the soil hardens.

She hums as she puts flowers in her hair.

These cold nights of December are like ones I can't remember.

My memory is as pale as her skin.

But as I watch her dance in motion her dress waves like the ocean.

She stops takes a bow and then she grins.

For a moment she looks at the stars, smiles as she points to ours

and asks if I dream anymore.

And I can see she's crying as she pretends that she's flying

and I just watch.... as she soars.

Book of Dreams

In a book of dreams it always seems
that you were always here.
And I believe it's true that I'll see you.

I’ll always hold that dear.
If it's true what they say I can't wait ‘til that day
when I see your shining face.
And then I'll be glad and no longer sad
when I see that heavenly place.
If I could send you a letter
then I would feel better
but I cannot see you smile.
But that's ok that you've gone away,
I'll see 'ya in a while.
Yesterday I touched the sky
but I didn't ask you why
because it was only a dream.
I just want you to know
that I still love you so
and I'm keeping my conscience clean.

Too Much Too Fast

I can't tell you what I’m thinking

but I can't keep breaking your heart.

I should have by now, but I just don't know how

so I’ve pulled all the pieces apart.

How do you heal without hurting?

Well, I know all the wrong things to do.

I feel I can't go without letting you know

that it's me who did this, not you.

It’s not worth it, cause it's not perfect.

I wanted you to break my heart.

I know I can deal with this fashion.

Your compassion is wearing me thin.

All of those times, I just gave you a line.

This is where the ending begins.

I’ve placed all my cards on the table

but you had the ace up your sleeve.

But I didn't care about winning because

I knew I was ready to leave.

It’s not worth it cause it's not perfect.

I wanted you to break my heart.

Through Smoke and Fire

I can sit out here all night and stare up at the stars.

I can share my own opinions or stories about scars.

I can listen to my worries, I know I have a few

Or I can sit here quietly while thinking about you.

My head sometimes gets cloudy because there’s too much on my mind.

-With thoughts about the future and all the best of times.

Although my memory is fading, I’m reminded about some.

It’s hard to think about’em all and all the things we’ve done.

I often wish to go there and change how some things are.

Maybe make a wish or two upon a falling star.

We all want something different when something’s incomplete.

Where emotion is too prevalent and words are obsolete.

But after all, we all still wonder if there’s something better there

Than the life we learn to live and the memories that we share.

I Failed

I can’t help from feeling sorry for you now.

I’ve asked myself what I did wrong.

I’ve tried so hard to make the ending come out right...

...and my fight was strong.

But not enough for you.

so what can I do?

You know I tried but it’s out of my control.

So now what’s left?

I guess we’ll see.

I’m sorry that I failed… it’s all on me.

I’m not asking for some sympathy because

all I want is what’s best for you.

I can try to find the silver lining here

but what’s the use? It’s overdue.

All I wanted was to push a little more

But the ending is still the same.

A broken heart is a hard thing to recover from

So let’s not change.

But yet I tried so hard for you

and my hands were tied.

You know I tried...

but it’s out of my control.

So now what’s left?

I guess we’ll see.

I’m sorry that I failed… it’s all on me.

Don't Drift Away

I can feel you breathing as you sleep so quietly.

It’s getting harder to remember how things used to be.

There’s a wall that now surrounds you and it keeps me from getting in.

I’d break it with my fingers but then it builds again.

Don’t tell me everything is fine and nothing’s wrong.

Did you forget whose side I’m on?

Don’t drift away. We need each other now.

I’m drowning here in empathy and time is running out.

Give me a sign, don’t throw it all away.

I’m barely holding on out here by words you wouldn’t say.

I whisper words so softly even though you couldn’t hear.

I share with you my secrets and tell about my fears.

I need you now and always. I can’t do this on my own.

I guess once in a while we need some time alone.

But don’t tell me everything is fine and nothing’s wrong.

Did you forget whose side I’m on?

Don’t drift away. We need each other now.

I’m drowning here in empathy and time is running out.

Give me a sign, don’t throw it all away.

I’m barely holding on out here by words you wouldn’t say.

Our lives may not be perfect

but we’ll walk this road no matter where it goes.

In the end it will be worth it

and we’ll finally see what we were always meant to be.

I can’t wait to mend the seams

of this broken heart and these broken dreams.

Somewhere beyond where eyes can’t see

we’ll find a place- a place for you and me.

Adolescents

Remember skating through the grade school parking lots

and starting fires just to watch them burn?

I guess we never thought much about growing up

or thought much about everything we’d learn.

Sometimes we would hang out at the doughnut shop,

making fun of everybody passing by.

No matter what it was we always had our fun

savoring the moments left behind…

…but where did it go and how’d we get here?

What happened to the nights when we didn’t care at all?

Where did it go and how’d we get here?

I’m still waiting for your call.

Sneaking out at night was always such a rush,

smoking cigarettes and drinking beer.

Laying in the desert watching satellites,

I’ve never seen the skies look so clear.

I sometimes think about the stars above us,

wondering if any shine for me.

I’d wish upon those stars so we were kids again,

The only time in life that we felt free…

…So where did it go and how’d we get here?

What happened to those nights when we didn’t care at all?

Where did it go and how’d we get here?

I’m still waiting for your call.

Early November Mourning

The rain falls down upon me and the wind blows through my hair.

I can feel the pain of heartbreak all around.

Another season turns. I think of all the things I’ve learned

as I watch the fallen leaves touch to the ground.

I can’t help myself, all the pain that I felt

still leaves me with these empty eyes.

I point to my scars as I look to the stars

and I scream, “Why did you have to die?!"

Someday I’ll see you, someday we’ll meet again.

Someday, I promise you. I just don’t know when.

The memories often haunt me, planting visions in my head

but this place is always closure for me.

I sometimes think I hear you and I wonder if you’re there,

just another part to my reality.

I can’t help myself. All the pain that I felt

still leaves me with these empty eyes.

I point to my scars as I look to the stars

and I scream, “Why did you have to die?!"

Some day I’ll see you. Someday we’ll meet again.

Someday, I promise you. I just don’t know when.

Someday I’ll see you, somewhere beyond the stars.

I hope that we remember who we are.

Do I disappoint you or make you proud?

What star should I point to when I sing out loud?

Unpublished

I could write you all a book
but would you even take a look
if I told you everything in it was true?
See, I'd write upon each page
all my sadness, joy and rage
but would it even matter at all to you?
I've had sadness when alone
and my joy has always shown
but my rage has always been there bottled in.
And when I dream I go
to places no one ever knows
because I want to live my life there in the end.